I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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