my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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