I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
