hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
