I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
