he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
