mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
