my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
