Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
