I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
