U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
