i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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