New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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