I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize