Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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