Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
