i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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