u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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