Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
