We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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