Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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