I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
