It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
