She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
