i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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