i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
