my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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