OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize