This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
