its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
