ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
