I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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