I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Floor bacon is actually really good
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
