the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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