I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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