how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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