She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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