feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think your dad took our porno
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
