Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just high enough for therapy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
