Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your penis caused this!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
