yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
