Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize