Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
