is your mom at the bar?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
