their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
