you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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