I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
