Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
