You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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