I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
