there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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