i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize