Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
