Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
