Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
