I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize