Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize