The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
