I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
