U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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