I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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