i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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