fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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