I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
