TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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