the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize