I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
