I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
