There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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