Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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