I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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