Someone shit on the floor
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I enjoy the company of your penis
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