oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
