dude i'm inner monologue high
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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