You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
