there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
