Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
