Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He better not be in your backpack
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
