There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
