I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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