Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
