I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
