Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
