4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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