I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
