then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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