Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
