Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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