R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
