I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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